FINALLY, a good reason to be on my knees at church…

 - by Aunt Johnny

I swear, I’m not making this up.

Click below first to read  the story on CBS.com – and then read on: 

Ugandan Anti-gay Pastor Airs Gay Porn in Church

A Ugandan pastor is showing gay pornography at church to try to garner support for a proposed law that would impose the death penalty for some gays.

Let me paint a picture for you.

Imagine you wake up in the morning, have your coffee, and put on your freshly pressed Sunday best for a heartfelt day of worship at the local church. You’ve even done three sets of squat thrusts to prepare your body for an hour on your knees dedicated to humble prayer. You’re pumped for a good ol’fashioned smack down with the Lord – and you can almost feel the words “PREACH” or “Thank you Jesus!!” and “TESTIFY!!!!!” booming from your chest as the words of the righteous fill your Christian soul.

“We’re gonna try something a little different today folks,” the pastor says as he ques up the large screen.

That isn’t gospel music you hear. And those aren’t the sounds of enthusiastic prayer. But you get the message loud and clear that while this is not like any other church service you’ve ever been to, there is no mistaking that there is some serious worship going on. Praise be.

I can’t speak for the people who attended this service – but I’ll tell you this much: I can’t think of a better reason than gay porn to get up early on a Sunday morning, do squat thrusts and scream out “Thank you Jesus!”

The Catholics are probably kicking themselves for not thinking of this first. Talk about a smart recruitment tactic. Watch a little “Good Will Grunting” – and pop right over to confession to absolve your sins. It’s all just so convenient, if you ask me.

I’m sure the Pastor had the best of intentions. I’m sure he thought that his little stunt would elicit enough shock value to scare his parishioners straight by showing them the deviant act of homosexual sex on video. But I don’t think the poor thing counted on one very important factor when previewing gay porn to those who haven’t experienced it before: gay sex is freakin hot, and a hell of a lot of fun. In his effort to promote the death penalty for gays, he really just pushed 1 out of every 10 of his parishioners from “latent” to “flaming mo” – and the world probably has at least a half dozen new Ugandan fag hags.

But isn’t that what church is supposed to be all about? Helping the Lord’s children see the world with open eyes and heart? For these fortunate Ugandan people, they have been blessed with the knowledge that not only is gay sex enthralling to watch, but our production quality is way better than straight porn…and our ”actors” have actually stepped into a gym more often than the drive thru at White Castle. I’m just saying.

Peace be with you. And also with Gucci.

Love ya like saying 10 Hail Mary’s after watching “On His Knees in Belize”,

Aunt Johnny

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