Tag: Roy Ashburn’

Life Lesson from Betty White: If you wanna get laid, become a politician…

 - by Aunt Johnny

“You know what your problem is, don’t you?” Betty White turned to me and said as we sat in the waiting room for our bikini wax appointments, “You’re not political enough.”

This is what I get for bitching to her about my love-life (or lack there-of).

“You would get laid more if you had a seat on the senate,” she went on to say, “Just look at that Republican Senator Roy Ashburn, for example. If his anti-gay lawmaking, middle aged ass can find a trick in the middle of a sleepy town like Sacramento, so can you.”

She has a point. People do seem to be attracted to power…and Senators are pretty powerful right? Look at this guy…he’s voted against every gay-rights measure to come across his latent homosexual desk since he took office eight years ago. This clearly gives him an pick-up advantage at bars because he probably has a really cool intro line, like “Hey Baby, I voted against your having equal rights…so since I’ve basically already fucked you, can I buy you a drink and do it again?”

That’s so hot. He’s so lucky. I could never come up with a sexy line like that.

“Meanwhile,” Betty segued, “I have more men than I know what to do with.  That hot piece of British ass, Robert Pattinson thinks I’m sexy.”

She was referring to an interview the Twilight saga star was recently quoted in -  saying he thought she was one of the sexiest women in America. It was in that moment I realized WHY we had bikini wax appointments in the first place.

“Really?” I responded, “Does he know you have a vagina? You know he’s allergic, don’t you? He wouldn’t shut up about it in his Detail’s magazine interview.”

Well, when Betty White wants something, she doesn’t let something as silly as a vagina allergy get in her way. So after we got waxed, we spent the rest of the afternoon taking seductive nude photos of her wearing vampire fangs and with a Harry Potter book placed over her crotch. She felt sending them to him along with a DVD set of the Golden Girls was a nice way to break the ice.

Love ya like trolling for Senators at the Manhole,

Aunt Johnny

Link to Ashburn story: http://sdgln.com/news/2010/03/04/anti-gay-state-senator-arrested-dui-charges-after-leaving-gay-bar

Link to Pattinson story: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20347963,00.html