Tag: Sonny’

Sometimes, it just takes a hula hoop.

 - by Aunt Johnny

You just never know when creative inspiration is going to strike. But when it does, you just have to go with it. When Lady Gaga found out she was going to be the opening act at the 2010 Grammy Awards, inspiration for her red carpet ensemble struck at the oddest time.

Well to begin with, you should know that I don’t actually call her “Lady Gaga”. I shortened it to “Ga” quite some time ago. She seems to think it’s a term of endearment…a playful shortening of her name to reflect how close we are as friends. But to be honest, saying “Lady Gaga” simply takes too long and I just don’t have that kind of time.

Anywhore, from the moment she was booked to perform the opening number at the Grammy’s, she’s just been insufferable. She’s a bit of a workaholic, and God love her – it always results in exquisite performances with irreverent costuming…but sometimes, her obsessive creative process bugs. For weeks, I would get the strangest text messages at all hours of the day and night. Texts like, “What if I come out on stage wearing a dress filled with water and live goldfish with a giant net on my head? I could suck in my cheeks while I dance. It would be hot!”

Well, I have to be honest with her. She is a friend after all. If she had spinach in her teeth or came out of a bathroom with a tampon string hanging out (which totally happened one time at the Ivy), I would tell her. This was no different. So I responded, “You’re a dumbass. Live swordfish would be so much cooler. xoxo”

Finally, I got really tired of the texting at ungodly hours (I got one at 3 a.m. one morning when I was fencing with Winona Ryder. I could have put the poor girl’s eye out!) So I sent her a text that said, “Ga – ENOUGH! You’re coming over tomorrow and we’re gonna figure this Grammy’s thing out, because I’m OVER your constant texting! xoxo”

So she did. We spent the entire day doing arts and crafts in an attempt to get the creative juices flowing. I was scrapbooking my recent trip to Graceland, and she was making a Sonny & Cher salt and pepper shakers out of paper mache for her mom’s birthday.”

Nothing. Not a single good idea. Although we did decide that she would wear burlap leggings in her next music video. The chaffing is gonna suck – but that’s the price we pay for artful fashion.

A week later, we were practicing for a hula hoop competition we were entering when the inspiration for her red carpet ensemble came to me.

“Hey, what if you designed a dress out of a bunch of hoops? You could be like a solar system!” I said, getting more and more excited as I began thinking of accessories in my head, “And you could carry a clutch for your lipstick that’s shaped like a really pointed star!”

Ga’s hula hoop fell to the ground and she started to clap. Then she piddled.

You’re welcome, Ga. xoxo

Love ya like salting my pork chops with Cher,

Aunt Johnny